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Don't Want No Alligator
By Michael Muehleisen
I live in south Florida, no let me rephrase that, I live in south, south Florida. I live about 10 miles from the southern tip of Florida. In many ways this is paradise; warm sunny weather year round, lots of flora, and lots and fauna. We also have lots of alligators; and I do mean lots. They are protected by federal law. If you get caught killing one, the state will see to it that you have a roommate named Bubba for the next few years. For those of you not familiar with Florida, this state is riddled with hundreds, if not thousands of canals, and inter-coastal waterways. Each of which is riddled with thousands of alligators. Alligators, however are not normally a problem; unless you live near, or decide to swim in one of these waterways. Then all bets are off! My step-son came down to visit us a couple of years ago. On the way back from the airport, we went over a canal bridge. It was a hot sunny day, so he asked me if he could take a dip in the canal. "That depends" I replied. "Depends on what?" he asked. "Well, it depends on if you want to be at the top of the food chain, or somewhere in between." Last year, a young lady became despondent after breaking up with her boyfriend. She decided to get drunk, and then go dangle her feet in the canal near her home. They found her the next day; or should I say they found pieces of her the next day. That's one hell of a way to get over a breakup. She probably should have gone on a food, or shopping binge. Early this year, an elderly lady went to answer a knock at the door of her condominium. Well it wasn't really a knock as much as it was a thump, thump, thump at her door. She answered the door to find a 15ft. alligator, asking her if her dog could come out to play. Seems the alligator had been targeting little fifi for a couple of weeks, hoping to make her a snack. When the dog wouldn't cooperate, and come near the canal; the alligator decided to take matters into his own claws. The funny thing is, the lady lived on the second floor! The alligator climbed two sets of stairs to meet this dog! They are not as dumb as they look. So, if you are planning to visit Florida anytime soon, stick to your hotel pool, or the public beaches to go swimming. Lest you find out what its like to be on the wrong end of the food chain.
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Contributor's Note
Welcome to Mike's Common Sense. All of my articles are designed to make you think;(even the funny ones) what you think is up to you.
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Years ago, when I was in college, me and my buddy went down to Fort Lauderdale for "spring break". His brother-in-law at the time lived there - so that's where we stayed. He had a house right on the canal. He told us stories of alligators in his pool and INSIDE his air conditioner! I guess ya gotta be careful. I also played golf once on a course on Jeckyll Island, Georgia. Gators were part of the featured hazards.
CONTRIBUTOR'S REPLY
Hi James! Like I said alligators are not normally a problem. It would freak me out if I saw one on the golf course!
All we have in Spain is jumping spiders and adders - swap some spiders for some alligators?
CONTRIBUTOR'S REPLY
Hi Coot! Jumping spiders?! I think we'll keep our gators!
Do they have alligators in Sea World too?
CONTRIBUTOR'S REPLY
HI Bible, that is funny! No I don't believe they have alligators at Sea World; but then again I don't think they need them. lol
We north country people don't realize the dangers of these sleeping giants, Mike. They are much faster then they look.
Thank you for sharing this interesting read.
Best wishes.
Frederick
CONTRIBUTOR'S REPLY
HI Frederick! Alligators are fast but they are not dangerous as long as they have no water to drag you into.
Came across a Golf Course here in North Queensland. It looked like they were using some advanced form of carbon emissions savings scheme, there were lots of kangaroos doing the mowing.
CONTRIBUTOR'S REPLY
Hi Reg! Kangaroos mowing the course does not bother me as much as having alligators as hazards!
It has been a while, but I did drive down your way once many years ago, and saw some people playing with an alligator in one of those canals. I stayed in the car!
CONTRIBUTOR'S REPLY
Hi Janet, you see people trying to fool around with them from time to time, never a real good idea.
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